Sex Shop Jitters

So, today, I am musing about sex shops. I'll be frank here and put my heart on my sleeve: I love sex shops and when I enter one, it's hard for me to leave before I turn on every vibrator, feel the length of every dildo, and pinch myself with every pair of nipple clamps...even if I end up not buying anything. A visit to a sex shop now is quite analogous to my visits to Toys R' Us when I was little; back then, I ecstatically shouted "Geoffrey!" (the Toys R' Us giraffe mascot's name) every time I passed one of those giant pieces of heaven.

Classy sex shops like Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Come As You Are--the ones that show their customers respect by stocking only the most functional and user friendly toys--are the most basic type of "toy" purveyor for adults. In middle school, I remember the day when a particularly rich classmate's dad was invited into the classroom to tell us about how he worked hard doing what he loved (I forget what he did, though) and made good money doing it. He lured us into a trance as he talked about all the wonderful "toys" he could buy with his money and his lifestyle. There was even a bit of show-and-tell to it: he brought in--what was, at the time--a fantastically high-tech photo printer and other unaffordable gadgets, even being so tacky as to speed off in his Lamborghini at the end of the presentation. My point is: when people talk about swapping in stuffed animals and action figures for more "grown-up toys", they often mean cars, computers, and fabulously outfitted vacation homes. But when you get back to the basics, a good old adult toy is one that will give you pleasure. While childhood toys offered the glee of simple, imaginative play, adult toys of the caliber I'm talking about will yield the glee of orgasmic play.

So why is it that so many people are hesitant to feel at home in sex shops? I'm not even talking about the sleezy ones that resemble caves or carry toys with porn-star packaging. I'm talking about friendly, neighborhood sex shops! I've visited Babeland with some friends who have skittered along with me from display to display, eyes averted, ever eager for me to finish my giddy perusing so we can, well, get the fuck outta there. To their credit, it must be hard to dissociate even the most polished and professional of sex shops from the ever-pervasive image of the taboo sex shop, frequented by pervs looking for jelly dongs and glory holes. But, to all of you sex shop scaredy-cats out there (no insult intended: society has made us this way!), no worries! Here's a short guide that will have you relaxed and browsing in no time. Once you learn to do this, you may even find (and purchase) a new best friend! (or two...or three...or...)

1) Take a day off and relax. It's much easier to get into the mood of sex-toy shopping when you don't have ten other errands waiting to be finished. When you're wandering into a sex toy shop without knowing exactly the item you want, the last thing you want to do is be rushed in and out without have enough time to make a careful decision. If you really want to make it a special occasion--and a relaxed one-- you can even indulge in some basic, relaxing spa treatments at home beforehand. Then, let the pampering continue when you return home with your new toy!

2) Pre-shop. Maybe I'm the only one that does this, but oftentimes, even when I'm just shopping for clothes, I like to peruse the websites of some of my favorite stores beforehand, just to check out some standout items that I want to make sure to try on in stores. This makes the whole shopping experience less overwhelming, especially if I'm about to walk into a department store with well over a million items in stock (or something in that ballpark, right?). Well, the same goes for sex toy shopping! In fact, this advice is even more relevant when buying sex toys because the variety of sex toys available is jaw-dropping. Walking into the store armed with information about toys that you're potentially interested in may be less intimidating--for some-- than asking the sex toy educator about every button or every curve on every toy. You can even look up sex toy reviews if something on your pre-shopping adventure catches your eye! Some good sites: Jane's Guide, VibeReview, as well as many of the sex shop websites themselves, which often include reviews from actual customers.

3) Don't be paranoid. One of the biggest phobias upon entering a sex shop is that someone you know will see you inside, or worse, knock elbows with you while you're both reaching to check out the same toy! But most of this fear stems from the increased self-consciousness that arises simply from being in a sex shop. Think about it: when you're walking past shop windows, you're usually looking straight ahead, on a mission; if not, you may be looking at the displays. How often do you actually search for faces of people you know? Furthermore, even if someone saw you in the act of shopping for delicious naughtiness, if they're awesome, you'll instantly rise a few notches in their book. If they're not, well, everyone buys sex toys: you're just awesome enough to be doing it in Babeland or another such shop (and since you're all relaxed, you'll look damn good doing it too!). If you're still paranoid, drink a tiny bit of your favorite wine before busing or walking to the store or smoke a bit. This point can also be filed under "relax".

4) The people inside won't bite. If you've been smart enough already to visit a well-stocked and customer-conscious sex shop (look for brands like Fun Factory, Lelo, or Tantus as indicators, all of which use non-toxic, good quality materials to create their "lust objects" as Lelo calls them), then one thing you definitely don't have to worry about is the employees who work there. They will be well-trained to know what works well and will be up to the standards of the kind of toy you're looking for. They will also be knowledgeable about sex in general and they definitely shouldn't laugh at any of your requests (ie: "I want to buy a strap-on for this dildo and a palm harness so I can peg my boyfriend and palm-fuck this girl in a threesome"). As for your fellow sex toy shoppers, they won't judge since they're already in the throes of excitement as they pick out their next toy.

5) Have fun! You haven't come this far to be uptight. Feel free to test out all the toys (on your hands, of course) and ask questions without feeling the least bit uncomfortable. After all, these are adult toys: did you ever feel self-conscious about testing out every single toy in Toys R' Us when you were a kid? Didn't think so. If you were anything like me, your parents had to drag you out. Now, have fun! (But hopefully your parents won't have to haul your ass out of Babeland ;) )

Joy of Butt Plugs

Before trying it out, I always thought anal sex was kind of taboo: like if anyone tried it, they would be considered a little sexually deviant. After some intense butt sex (are there any non-awkward, non-clinical alternatives to "anal sex"?), I began thinking of it as something that was very natural and that it was only really taboo because of cultural constraints. I mean, think about it.

For girls: if getting fucked in one hole feels transcendently orgasmic...then would it be too far of a leap to consider that getting fucked in the hole a mere inch or two away might yield the same results? This goes for guys too since the right butt plug (the Aneros has been widely hailed as the best prostate-stimulating butt plug around), dildo or penis will stimulate the prostate, the area that secretes 30% of the fluid that goes into cum (the other 70% comes from the seminal vesicles). For men, anal sex of any kind (on your own or with a partner or multiple partners) often comes with a lot more taboo than for women since females are often on the penetrating end of sex anyways. When men receive anal sex, they give up the power that we associate with the penetrator and assume the position of penetratee. "I would never try anal sex! I'm not gay." If you stubbornly stick to that way of thinking, you may be missing out on some of the most orgasmic sexual experience available to you: after all, the anus has the same nerve supply as the genitals and just like your pelvic floor muscles (aka PC or Kegel muscles, which create strong contractions during orgasm), the anus dilates when stimulated and contracts when you start orgasming.

All of that said, one of the best ways to begin exploring anal sex is with your finger and perhaps a butt plug. Anal sex is always best when you're relaxed and have a lot of time to explore. For example, in the shower, try inserting one or two fingers into your anus and see how it feels: you're probably not going to start cumming your brains out but this will help you get used to the sensation of having something go into your rectum instead of out. If you prefer to play with yourself in bed or anywhere that is not the shower, be sure to use lots of lube since the anus does not self-lubricate. There are two muscular rings (called sphincters) around your anus and they may start to contract and relax in response to insertion. You can experiment with moving your fingers in and out, perhaps curving them towards the prostate or G-spot. The thing is, though, unless you're pretty flexible, you may either be unable to reach these pleasurable centers or you'll be able to reach them but not comfortably. This is where toys come in.

Butt plugs are a great way of introducing anal toys into your realm of sexual experience, your sexual portfolio...whatever you want to call it. The best ones have an enlarged head so you can get that feeling of fullness and also be able to stimulate the prostate/G-spot. Be sure to get one with a flared base so that the toy doesn't travel up your rectum while you're playing around because that would turn your orgasmic me-time into an embarrassing trip to the ER. Again, use lots of lube on the plug; lube up your finger a bit and play around with your anus a bit to get it lubed up too. Slowly, whenever you're ready, relax and insert the plug, letting it slide in: for me, relaxation calls for deep breathing so I like popping it in during the inhalation. Once its in, you can:

• Experiment with moving it in and out a bit
• Masturbate and see how playing with yourself and orgasming feels different when there's something in your anus; I especially like doing this with a vibrator on my clit
  
• Just walk around and go about your daily life to get used to accommodating something in your anus (building up to sex). Plus, you'll feel a little naughty if you're at work or something, innocently whistling and going about your innocent day being your innocent self when really: you have a butt plug up your bum.
• Try oral sex or just plain sex while you have it in and experience bliss.
  

Some of my favorite starter plugs:

• Little Flirt: recommended for true first timers. It's super small and good for introducing something into your anus. It also comes in a bigger version called (surprise) Big Flirt, which also might be suitable for a first timer whose anus isn't as tight.
  
• Ace Plug: I love the feeling of fullness that I get from this one. It's small enough not to stretch me out too much but big enough to let me know its there. It's actually the slimmer, longer version of the Tristan plug, which I believe was designed by Tristan Taormino, butt-sex extraordinaire.
  
• Mars Plug: I haven't personally tried this one out yet but seeing as its made by njoy, the same company that I raved about in my fun wand post, I am painstakingly saving up to get one. I think this will be a great plug to wear while getting eaten out. Plus, its a work of art.
  

Really, just have fun with it all and if you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to comment!

njoy fun wand

Being a college student and whatnot, I don't exactly have a stash of money to spend on accumulating a stash of sex toys. Compared to mythic arsenals that rival Babeland's stock (see: how essinem had so many sex toys that she needed a suitcase!!! to store them all), I only have the meager-est of pantries. But what I do have has been carefully selected or, in the case of my ridiculously effective Babeland Silver Bullet, free. The other two are the Ace Plug and the njoy fun wand. I haven't spent too much quality time with the Ace yet but the fun wand was worth every one of the 8000 pennies that I handed over to Babeland for it.

I love researching everything before actually buying or going: cafes, restaurants, shops, parks, you name it. It's almost an obsession, really: an obsession with knowing what to expect before actually showing up. For Babeland, I had researched Kegel exercisers and actually walked into the store with the full intention of buying the Kegelcisor, which sounds oddly as if my cunt would be morphing into Arnold Schwarzenneger. Sure, it had substantial weight and it was nicely made and everything but it's called a vaginal barbell...not exactly my idea of something worth spending 8000 pennies on. Especially not after the nice lady at Babeland turned my attention to the fun wand: one look and I was enamored: so shiny! so curvy! so orgasm-y! The rest is history and you don't exactly have to guess which one I bought.

Ever since having it, I think I've only masturbated once without it. Read: the njoy fun wand has completely changed the way I masturbate for the better. I haven't really gotten to the point where anal play by myself feels orgasmic so I've only explored the uses of the long end with the swollen tip but nevertheless, I'd definitely say I'm getting my money's worth. The chill of the metal is unforgiving and startling in the best of ways: if you're trying to deny that you're fucking yourself with a toy (for whatever reason), your efforts will be futile. But once you get going with it (I like how the beads on the other end make it fantastically easy to grip so that I can use the other hand to play with my clit or use my bullet vibe), the results are AMAZING: it warms up to body temperature in under a minute and when you take it out after that, you can feel the hot metal, warmed from the depths of your very own vagina. There's something undeniably sexy about this dildo, even when its not fucking me. Taking it out after use, seeing my own juicy wetness coating the entire length is obscene... but it also arouses me all over again.

And for this, the njoy fun wand gets five stars and a significant portion of the love in my heart.

Now if only I had upwards of $200 to spend on the njoy perfect eleven...