Proposition K

I'm not sure what the "K" in San Francisco's Proposition K stands for (Kink? Kunt? More likely just a random name.), but what I do know is that if I lived in SF, I would be totally for it. Proposition K would decriminalize prostitution, which, in laymen's terms, means that prostitutes would be treated like real people, as people with real jobs. Its passage means that the city won't be able to use public funding to criminalize (read: arrest) women who are working as sex workers. In addition, it means that violence against sex workers will no longer be ignored. For too long, the rape of a prostitute has not been prosecuted, not only because the "justice" system didn't care enough to allot the time needed to carry out a prosecution, but also because the rape wasn't considered a crime in the first place. "You're a prostitute. You're parading around for sex. You are asking to be raped. You deserve to be raped."

For a job that's considered the "oldest profession", prostitution sure doesn't garner a lot (or any) of the respect that comes with seniority. And that's a shame, because not only has it been around since, essentially, the beginning of civilization, but it's going to stay around until the apocalypse comes (and I'm not evolutionary biologist, but I would propose that in the time of cave-dwelling, cavewomen would concede to sex as a form of trade for resources owned by cavemen). If only for that reason, prostitutes deserve the rights that should be held by all workers (unfortunately, they aren't...but that's another post altogether). Although there are some women who enter the sex work force in search of empowerment or a new experience, many women are forced into prostitution because our society has institutionalized sexism. Think about the glass ceiling: women get lower wages for the same work, women are expected to do unpaid domestic labor at home in addition to their day (and/or) night jobs, women are expected to raise the next generation successfully...yet, in return, women get shit. It should be no surprise that women of all walks of life often turn to prostitution or other forms of sex work (eg: college students in need to tuition money, taking on a stint as an amateur stripper). If you're going to make the system shitty, you might as well give the strippers a fighting chance, treat them like people. Ideally, of course, women would be on equal footing with men AND sex work would be legalized.

In spirit, I am "voting" for Proposition K because its passage will decriminalize the most negatively stereotyped form of sex work. It seems that selling one's sex is conceived by our society to be the most horrendous form of "self-exploitation" there is--far worse than selling the sight of one's body, as in stripping, or one's sexual fantasies, as with sex writers. So by legalizing, and thus to some extent destigmatizing prostitution, the gateway for acceptance of all types of sex work will be opened. Let the violene, the hate, the stereotypes stop!

As of this post, it seems that those voting AGAINST Proposition K have a 13 point victory; I hope it isn't definitive but hope is no match against the actual statistics. If it doesn't pass this time, I hope the people of San Francisco will work hard to put it on the ballot again and again until it does. Give people their rights.

My Favorite Lube...and a Cry for HELP!!!

Most recently, a certain post over at Shay's The S Spot caught my eye. It was all about trying to find the perfect kind of "natural", organic lube for someone's pretty lady. And whenever people bring up their favorite lubes, I feel inclined to shout about mine, which is one of the most basic on the market. But basic is not always bad. Instead of "oldie but goodie", you could say that it's a "basic but bestie"!

Less cleverness and more to the point: I love Babeland's BabeLube!!! It comes in a completely clear gel (there used to be a liquid form but I'm not sure if they're still selling it) that doesn't taste like anything or smell like anything, both of which are extremely important in my consideration of lubes. Another plus is that the giant 16 oz bottle (apparently, not giant enough since I'm running out already!) comes with a pump for super-easy dispensing. Just pump, apply (one pump of lube is enough to adequately lubricate two people), and let the fun begin! One of the first lubes I used was Astroglide: I could never apply just the right amount because it seemed inclined to spill all over my sheets and the flip top often broke off! In contrast, BabeLube spreads beautifully--no dripping! stays where you put it!-- and stays slick for long enough to do the trick. And if you feel like taking a break from other activities to go down on each other, lick away! No taste or smell at all--even when an entire BabeLubed cock is in your mouth.

The only con about this product is that after a while, it does tend to get a bit gummy; however, this con is totally redeemed by the fact that this water-based lube can be "reactivated" with just a bit of water. How you apply this water...is completely up to you. Some of my preferred methods of application include taking a sip of water and licking my partner's penis, or licking my hand and giving him a handjob.

But, to any readers, I do have one big lube-related question. What lube is there that is comparable to BabeLand but still works for anal sex? BabeLube can do the trick, but only if I'm waaayyy relaxed already and we apply about two pumps (more if we're using a condom). Is there a slicker lube that won't gum up from the friction so quickly that is also water-based? Or is silicone lube the way to go for anal sex? HELP!!! I've tested out Maximus in stores and it just smelled too weird for me. Oftentimes, after some anal sex, my partner will discard his condom and I'll give him some head...which I definitely wouldn't do if I was about to be smuggled by the smell of Maximus. Any suggestions?

Hitchhiker's Guide to the G-Spot

Once upon a time, I wasn't as sexually experienced as I am now. Not to say that I'm Mistress Matisse or anything but a couple years ago, I had never given head, had barely even had sex (much less in creative positions!), and thought anal sex was totally taboo territory. Back then, I was much more hesitant to explore my sexuality and my sexual boundaries, not so much because I thought my body was dirty or anything like that, but mostly because I didn't quite know where to begin. So I turned to reading about sex and other sexual escapades in articles online and by peeking at books in the "sexuality" section of book stores. (Good thing I at least had the good sense to refrain from sexually educating myself using the likes of Cosmopolitan and Elle! Although, let me confess a guilty pleasure here: now that I mostly read about sex in the context of erotica and not technical how-to guides, I do love reading newstand crap like Cosmo and Elle and Vogue...)

One of the best guides I've encountered so far is Paul Joannides' "Guide to Getting It On!". It's become something a classic, seeing as the size and shape of this enormous sex tome are somewhat akin to that of a bible. Inside, you'll find humorously written guides about the basics of intercourse, anal sex, sexual health, and everything else you could imagine about sex. Dr. Paul Joannides approaches sex from the perspective that it's not something that just happens between a man and a woman's or a woman and a woman's or a man and a mans's or...&c's sexual parts. Sex is an event and a psychological place that is to be carefully and consensually negotiated, whether you're just doing it for fun with a transient partner or you're doing it with the love of your life.

Despite the fact that it's about 700 pages in length, this extremely thorough guide is very easy to read. In fact, I sat down and finished it in one weekend. And at the end of this weekend? I was 700 pages more knowledgeable about my sexual possibilities. Granted, there was a huge week long power outage then, but still! If you're still looking for tips and tricks on how to get fellatio or cunnilingus just right, or how to work sex toys into your life, then this is definitely the book for you! Or hell, if you just need some good beach-side reading instead of that chicklit crap, turn to the Guide for Getting It On (if you flash the cover at cuties walking by, you may even get it on at the beach!).

But when all is said and done, this is probably one of the only sex guides that I've read cover to cover. Does anyone out there have favorites that they'd like to recommend?

Sex Shop Jitters

So, today, I am musing about sex shops. I'll be frank here and put my heart on my sleeve: I love sex shops and when I enter one, it's hard for me to leave before I turn on every vibrator, feel the length of every dildo, and pinch myself with every pair of nipple clamps...even if I end up not buying anything. A visit to a sex shop now is quite analogous to my visits to Toys R' Us when I was little; back then, I ecstatically shouted "Geoffrey!" (the Toys R' Us giraffe mascot's name) every time I passed one of those giant pieces of heaven.

Classy sex shops like Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Come As You Are--the ones that show their customers respect by stocking only the most functional and user friendly toys--are the most basic type of "toy" purveyor for adults. In middle school, I remember the day when a particularly rich classmate's dad was invited into the classroom to tell us about how he worked hard doing what he loved (I forget what he did, though) and made good money doing it. He lured us into a trance as he talked about all the wonderful "toys" he could buy with his money and his lifestyle. There was even a bit of show-and-tell to it: he brought in--what was, at the time--a fantastically high-tech photo printer and other unaffordable gadgets, even being so tacky as to speed off in his Lamborghini at the end of the presentation. My point is: when people talk about swapping in stuffed animals and action figures for more "grown-up toys", they often mean cars, computers, and fabulously outfitted vacation homes. But when you get back to the basics, a good old adult toy is one that will give you pleasure. While childhood toys offered the glee of simple, imaginative play, adult toys of the caliber I'm talking about will yield the glee of orgasmic play.

So why is it that so many people are hesitant to feel at home in sex shops? I'm not even talking about the sleezy ones that resemble caves or carry toys with porn-star packaging. I'm talking about friendly, neighborhood sex shops! I've visited Babeland with some friends who have skittered along with me from display to display, eyes averted, ever eager for me to finish my giddy perusing so we can, well, get the fuck outta there. To their credit, it must be hard to dissociate even the most polished and professional of sex shops from the ever-pervasive image of the taboo sex shop, frequented by pervs looking for jelly dongs and glory holes. But, to all of you sex shop scaredy-cats out there (no insult intended: society has made us this way!), no worries! Here's a short guide that will have you relaxed and browsing in no time. Once you learn to do this, you may even find (and purchase) a new best friend! (or two...or three...or...)

1) Take a day off and relax. It's much easier to get into the mood of sex-toy shopping when you don't have ten other errands waiting to be finished. When you're wandering into a sex toy shop without knowing exactly the item you want, the last thing you want to do is be rushed in and out without have enough time to make a careful decision. If you really want to make it a special occasion--and a relaxed one-- you can even indulge in some basic, relaxing spa treatments at home beforehand. Then, let the pampering continue when you return home with your new toy!

2) Pre-shop. Maybe I'm the only one that does this, but oftentimes, even when I'm just shopping for clothes, I like to peruse the websites of some of my favorite stores beforehand, just to check out some standout items that I want to make sure to try on in stores. This makes the whole shopping experience less overwhelming, especially if I'm about to walk into a department store with well over a million items in stock (or something in that ballpark, right?). Well, the same goes for sex toy shopping! In fact, this advice is even more relevant when buying sex toys because the variety of sex toys available is jaw-dropping. Walking into the store armed with information about toys that you're potentially interested in may be less intimidating--for some-- than asking the sex toy educator about every button or every curve on every toy. You can even look up sex toy reviews if something on your pre-shopping adventure catches your eye! Some good sites: Jane's Guide, VibeReview, as well as many of the sex shop websites themselves, which often include reviews from actual customers.

3) Don't be paranoid. One of the biggest phobias upon entering a sex shop is that someone you know will see you inside, or worse, knock elbows with you while you're both reaching to check out the same toy! But most of this fear stems from the increased self-consciousness that arises simply from being in a sex shop. Think about it: when you're walking past shop windows, you're usually looking straight ahead, on a mission; if not, you may be looking at the displays. How often do you actually search for faces of people you know? Furthermore, even if someone saw you in the act of shopping for delicious naughtiness, if they're awesome, you'll instantly rise a few notches in their book. If they're not, well, everyone buys sex toys: you're just awesome enough to be doing it in Babeland or another such shop (and since you're all relaxed, you'll look damn good doing it too!). If you're still paranoid, drink a tiny bit of your favorite wine before busing or walking to the store or smoke a bit. This point can also be filed under "relax".

4) The people inside won't bite. If you've been smart enough already to visit a well-stocked and customer-conscious sex shop (look for brands like Fun Factory, Lelo, or Tantus as indicators, all of which use non-toxic, good quality materials to create their "lust objects" as Lelo calls them), then one thing you definitely don't have to worry about is the employees who work there. They will be well-trained to know what works well and will be up to the standards of the kind of toy you're looking for. They will also be knowledgeable about sex in general and they definitely shouldn't laugh at any of your requests (ie: "I want to buy a strap-on for this dildo and a palm harness so I can peg my boyfriend and palm-fuck this girl in a threesome"). As for your fellow sex toy shoppers, they won't judge since they're already in the throes of excitement as they pick out their next toy.

5) Have fun! You haven't come this far to be uptight. Feel free to test out all the toys (on your hands, of course) and ask questions without feeling the least bit uncomfortable. After all, these are adult toys: did you ever feel self-conscious about testing out every single toy in Toys R' Us when you were a kid? Didn't think so. If you were anything like me, your parents had to drag you out. Now, have fun! (But hopefully your parents won't have to haul your ass out of Babeland ;) )

I'm BAACKK! (hello?)

So...there's probably nobody out in the blogosphere/internets reading this since I dropped off the face of my blog (and set all the entries to private) a few months back. Why? Well, for one thing, I'm horrible at finding enough things to say on the internet to post regularly. But also, I was kind of ambiguous about posting all my thoughts and experiences on the internet; for example, I know for sure that some people I know might google a lot for unique cupcake recipes (and they especially would after they tasted the ones I made =) ) but would be really weirded out if they hopped over here and saw pictures of nekkid people and my thoughts on butt plugs. Ya know.

So I'll blog as often as the mood hits me and try to keep the anonymity a priority. Hard, right?

Anywho, one of the big questions that I wanted to propose to anyone reading this and the reason for this comeback post: isn't it weird that we talk about how many times we have sex in a certain session with our lovers and playmates? I know that even I measure "amount of sex" like this, just as a sort of reflex...and guess who the benchmark is? The guy! No matter how many times I have phenomenal multiple orgasms (I'm blessed, what can I say?), I count the "number" of times I've had sex during that certain romp by how many times my guy comes in me or on me. How weird of a standard is that? Does anybody else do this? Or do you count "one time" of sex to be after both partners have reached their climax (at least) once? Hell, do you count at all? I'd like to know!

And as a little catch-up segueway from the last post I did way back in April, current nipple status (haha what if that became a regular feature of this blog? I could even take pictures! Is anyone reading this? I want feedback and a sign of life!) = baby-butt smooth areolas but chapped nipples from being nipped, sucked, and pinched vigorously during sex! Sexy.

Dry Nipples...

That probably wasn't the sexy or yummy post you were expecting, huh?

It all started when I was reading my book today: The Known World by Edward P. Jones. Now I know this post is supposed to be about nipples but I must take a moment to how much I've liked this novel so far. If you've ever read and/or closely analyzed Toni Morrison's Beloved in a class (or any of her other books, for that matter), you may have found yourself, like hundreds of thousands (and perhaps millions) of other readers, in awe of her mastery of words and her prowess for constructing beautiful prose and symbolism. This book is also about one family's slave story and is often compared to her work so definitely check it out not if, but when, you have time. Toni Morrison will always be first in my mind so Jones's book, in my opinion, is not comparable to her work. But he does an amazing job of portraying a complex portrait of the social network in an extended family of slaves and their tightly knit community. And there's a big twist too: the master family in this novel is black so in addition to the issue of slaves, there's also the issue of enslaving "your own people".

Anyways, back to the chapped nipples. I was holding my book in one hand as I read along and, as often happens, my free hand wandered into my shirt and into my bra. I began stroking my nipples (its not like I ever get off on this...unless I'm reading erotica or someone else is pinching, licking and sucking my nipples), which are usually softer than a baby's bottom. Circling the smooth, normal skin of the breast until I usually zero in on an areola so silky that it doesn't even feel like skin at all--at least, not the way skin usually feels (unless you're usually touching your nipples...in which case...I don't know what to say except that I'm jealous).

I looked down to discover, to my dismay, that my nipples were chapped! I want mah sexy boobs back! Instead, the skin is flaky and dry. "Naturally", the first thing I thought to do was to google my condition; little known fact: almost all google search results for "chapped nipples" are for pregnant woman. I'm definitely not pregnant but looked at a few forums and heeded women's advice about cutting open capsules of vitamin E and rubbing the oil on my nipples. I sliced one open with a knife (I didn't even know there was vitamin E in my house but thank god, right?) and applied some to both: the oil smells like SHIT by the way. Betcha didn't know that either, huh? I sure hope it works...

And because this post is pretty much irrelevant to everything else, here's something to make it all up: The beautiful, non-chapped boobs of Justine Joli. See the rest of the super hot gallery here

Sugasm #5^2

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Joy of Butt Plugs

Before trying it out, I always thought anal sex was kind of taboo: like if anyone tried it, they would be considered a little sexually deviant. After some intense butt sex (are there any non-awkward, non-clinical alternatives to "anal sex"?), I began thinking of it as something that was very natural and that it was only really taboo because of cultural constraints. I mean, think about it.

For girls: if getting fucked in one hole feels transcendently orgasmic...then would it be too far of a leap to consider that getting fucked in the hole a mere inch or two away might yield the same results? This goes for guys too since the right butt plug (the Aneros has been widely hailed as the best prostate-stimulating butt plug around), dildo or penis will stimulate the prostate, the area that secretes 30% of the fluid that goes into cum (the other 70% comes from the seminal vesicles). For men, anal sex of any kind (on your own or with a partner or multiple partners) often comes with a lot more taboo than for women since females are often on the penetrating end of sex anyways. When men receive anal sex, they give up the power that we associate with the penetrator and assume the position of penetratee. "I would never try anal sex! I'm not gay." If you stubbornly stick to that way of thinking, you may be missing out on some of the most orgasmic sexual experience available to you: after all, the anus has the same nerve supply as the genitals and just like your pelvic floor muscles (aka PC or Kegel muscles, which create strong contractions during orgasm), the anus dilates when stimulated and contracts when you start orgasming.

All of that said, one of the best ways to begin exploring anal sex is with your finger and perhaps a butt plug. Anal sex is always best when you're relaxed and have a lot of time to explore. For example, in the shower, try inserting one or two fingers into your anus and see how it feels: you're probably not going to start cumming your brains out but this will help you get used to the sensation of having something go into your rectum instead of out. If you prefer to play with yourself in bed or anywhere that is not the shower, be sure to use lots of lube since the anus does not self-lubricate. There are two muscular rings (called sphincters) around your anus and they may start to contract and relax in response to insertion. You can experiment with moving your fingers in and out, perhaps curving them towards the prostate or G-spot. The thing is, though, unless you're pretty flexible, you may either be unable to reach these pleasurable centers or you'll be able to reach them but not comfortably. This is where toys come in.

Butt plugs are a great way of introducing anal toys into your realm of sexual experience, your sexual portfolio...whatever you want to call it. The best ones have an enlarged head so you can get that feeling of fullness and also be able to stimulate the prostate/G-spot. Be sure to get one with a flared base so that the toy doesn't travel up your rectum while you're playing around because that would turn your orgasmic me-time into an embarrassing trip to the ER. Again, use lots of lube on the plug; lube up your finger a bit and play around with your anus a bit to get it lubed up too. Slowly, whenever you're ready, relax and insert the plug, letting it slide in: for me, relaxation calls for deep breathing so I like popping it in during the inhalation. Once its in, you can:

• Experiment with moving it in and out a bit
• Masturbate and see how playing with yourself and orgasming feels different when there's something in your anus; I especially like doing this with a vibrator on my clit
  
• Just walk around and go about your daily life to get used to accommodating something in your anus (building up to sex). Plus, you'll feel a little naughty if you're at work or something, innocently whistling and going about your innocent day being your innocent self when really: you have a butt plug up your bum.
• Try oral sex or just plain sex while you have it in and experience bliss.
  

Some of my favorite starter plugs:

• Little Flirt: recommended for true first timers. It's super small and good for introducing something into your anus. It also comes in a bigger version called (surprise) Big Flirt, which also might be suitable for a first timer whose anus isn't as tight.
  
• Ace Plug: I love the feeling of fullness that I get from this one. It's small enough not to stretch me out too much but big enough to let me know its there. It's actually the slimmer, longer version of the Tristan plug, which I believe was designed by Tristan Taormino, butt-sex extraordinaire.
  
• Mars Plug: I haven't personally tried this one out yet but seeing as its made by njoy, the same company that I raved about in my fun wand post, I am painstakingly saving up to get one. I think this will be a great plug to wear while getting eaten out. Plus, its a work of art.
  

Really, just have fun with it all and if you have any questions or suggestions, feel free to comment!